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Never had I experienced this feeling since marriage. My mentoring role brought us closer. She was generally the shy type. To me, she started opening up about her domestic issues – husband not caring, in-law trouble etc. The proverbial shoulder to cry on was mine. That much was fine. But the nature of our relation seemed to change gradually. Professor – student lines were getting blurred. Her smile, her eyes, the tone of her voice: all so innocent, yet captivating. I also began to realize that these attributes seemed to be reserved for me. There was a subtle, yet definite, come-hither feel in her looks and voice. Was I imagining things? Was I entertaining wrong thoughts at this age?! As a faithful husband, it was my wife that I turned to, for advice. She was mildly amused. ‘These things happen, just a passing infatuation, I’m sure.’ She responded with a slightly naughty smile. ‘Just don’t get physical, Ok.’ ‘You are the tops, sweetheart,’ I replied in relief, gently squeezing her. I knew one of my problems was that I was looking for something that I just hadn’t found. I can’t even tell you what it was that was missing. I’ve been with some exceptionally loving people. But something stops me from giving them my heart unconditionally. People leave me just as often as I’m the one to go.I can’t blame my upbringing since my parents are still happily married and my brother and I were never mistreated. My mum says she probably loves my dad more now than she did when they first met.I know my dad agrees with her. He still pats her on the arse every chance he gets. He told me the last time I called home that he was wearing a track around the dining room table from chasing her, now they had to house to themselves. I had to laugh, as I was sure he was telling the truth.Mum had taken the phone off him and said not to believe a word he said, as she didn’t run. I heard dad crack up when I did, and then I heard mum tell him to get his randy hands off her until after she got off.
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